In my first blog of the year discover insights from my transition from full-time work to freelance self-employment, exploring career change, personal growth, and creative collaboration.
These personal reflections may be different from my usual content, but I believe both personal and professional reflection are key to growth.
So, why share this?
Well, if sharing insights into my process inspires even one person or sparks a ripple of interest, I’ll be happy. Plus, bringing others into the conversation creates a stronger sense of accountability for me—a lesson I’ve learned through recent coaching with the incredible Sheryl Garratt – The Creative Life.
January 2024: Taking the leap…
At the end of 2023, I made the bold decision to leave a secure role in Higher Education, along with my wonderful colleagues, to relaunch my freelance career and move back to Cumbria to be closer to family. My final day was January 31st, and even as I left with my two well-travelled plants in tow, I was still wrapping up work and solving problems.
This was a major leap, especially with the arts in education—and the arts in general—facing challenges across the UK. But something in me trusted that I could land on my feet, or at least knew I had to give it a shot.
February 2024: A deep breath…
February brought a mix of emotions—everything from exhaustion and a deep sense of loss (despite being the one who made the decision) to gripping fear that I was somehow broken. It was only through regular check-ins with my housemate at the time that I was able to gain some perspective and even laugh at myself a little!
I made a commitment to invest in my wellbeing…
Since turning 30, Barcelona had become my ‘happy place,’ offering me the space to ground myself. So, in February, I took a solo trip to Barcelona, seeking headspace and exploring potential work opportunities with the Barcelona International Dance Exchange, where I’ve been an Artistic Collaborator since 2020.
Although the city provided some comfort and familiarity, I still felt a sense of being lost, overwhelmed by my own fears.
During this time, I was also engaged in bereavement counselling with Sue Ryder, trying to process the loss of my mum and struggling to balance my grief with the pressure I was placing on myself to “seize the moment” in her memory. In hindsight, I had thrown myself into work as a way of avoiding how deeply I was affected.
It became clear that I needed to shift my focus to what came next.
The blank slate of the future felt both inviting and daunting.
The rest of February was spent working through what I wanted to achieve and making significant progress on my goals, all while juggling a move from one storage unit to another. I began to ask myself what I was really running from in my freelance practice and how I could finally tackle the self-doubt that often crept in just as I started gaining momentum.
After multiple attempts, I finally submitted my application for an Arts Council Developing Your Creative Practice (DYCP) grant. The project, Rebuilding Creative Connectivity, aimed to support my professional growth through case studies, coaching, and revisiting my project design and business plans for the relaunch of Dance Ahead (my sole trading name).
Looking back, it was a lot to fit into 4-5 months—true to form, my ambitions were big, but were they too big?
Now, with a waiting time of up to 10 weeks, I’d have to wait and see. Only time would tell…
February brought with it a wave of emotions from exhaustion and a deep sense of loss (despite the fact it was my decision to leave), to gripping fear that I was somehow broken. It was only through regular check-ins with my housemate at the time that I was able to gain perspective and just laugh at myself!
I made a commitment to myself at that point to invest in my own wellbeing.
March – June 2024: Finding my feet, family and friends…
Before Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theory , it was pretty clear that social connection is a fundamental human need. Connecting with others makes us feel good. Of course, there’s a balance, and there were times when solitude was priceless. But what I hadn’t fully realised was the profound power of connection, especially when you need it most.
Returning to the place where I spent most of my childhood and young adult years felt strange at this point in my career. Something deep inside me was pulling me back home, but I had just been part of a senior management team, leading a wonderful group, making operational decisions, and guiding hundreds of young adults through their degree courses. Coming back home felt like I was time-traveling in the wrong direction. Everything around me was the same, yet somehow, it was all different. During the 270-mile drive back, I felt like I was leaving my professional identity behind.
It was clear it was time to focus on reconnection—especially with family—but I still had this strong, untamed urge to ‘do’ something.
I’m grateful that I have a natural drive to create, conceptualise, and take action. It means that ideas for the next steps rarely run dry. But it also comes with the risk of burnout and neglecting self-care.
Spring and Summer: a time for experimenting, without fully committing…
I reached out to friends, met with old colleagues, and reconnected with loved ones. I reminded myself who I was before the pandemic, before I left for London in 2020. I found myself sifting through opportunities like I was at the Lonely Hearts Club, seeking business connections and networks. When I attended these events, though, I realised I wasn’t exactly sure what I was offering. I felt a bit panicked, worried I wouldn’t be able to deliver.
Still, I showed up. And by showing up, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I forced myself to have conversations again, to ask others about their focus, their desires, and their offers. I wasn’t afraid to admit that I didn’t know what I could offer at that point, but I knew I wanted to create something with real social substance.
If anyone in Cumbria is keen to connect I found the following events useful as a starting point – not all of them ‘fit’ my needs but they may suit you and there are many more:
Cumbria Chamber of Commerce: Business Bites
Cumbria Arts and Culture Network Friday Zooms
A break from digital noise…
My partner and I took a much-needed escape to Haweswater Hotel, an art deco gem tucked away in the Lake District. With limited phone signal and no agenda, we spent two days immersing ourselves in nature—donning waterproofs and braving the rain for long walks in the stunning surroundings. The fresh air, peaceful time away, and great food were exactly what I needed to recharge.
If you’re looking to disconnect and recharge in nature, I highly recommend the Haweswater Hotel—it’s the perfect off-the-grid getaway.
Fitness: my fickle friend…
As a trained dancer and (almost) qualified Pilates instructor, you might think fitness is a constant in my life. But after nearly four years of sitting at a desk, I developed an underlying fear that I had lost every muscle in my body. Honestly, I was almost too ashamed to find out. Instead, I relied on short bursts of activity and walking, but stepping into a studio—despite working in a building full of them—had become a barrier. How did that even happen?
One of the first things I did when I returned to my hometown was rejoin the gym. I figured swimming, yoga, and Pilates would be the gentlest ways to ease my body and mind back into movement, without having to confront my fear and self-doubt about whether I could even remember how to dance! And you know what? It felt blissful. I was on a roll, soaking in every moment of endorphin-fuelled joy. I could feel myself getting stronger, the movement memory starting to click back in, and I just felt at home—whether it was on the floor, mat, or in the pool.
So…did I just enjoy it for myself?
No!!! I applied for Race for Life setting a tiny goal of 5K for July 1st…Easy, right?! (to be continued)
“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May”
As Shakespeare suggests, the tender buds of May face disruption as they emerge from the comfort of their soil beds—perhaps this is what builds their resilience.
For me, May marked a similar process of poking my head above the surface. I attended several events, from CACN’s Big Meet at Rheged, Penrith, to Carlisle’s Show & Tell in Bitts Park.
At times, I felt uneasy, but I pushed myself to engage with new people, learn about their practices, and hear their hopes and concerns. This included new international connection by recording B>Podcasts for BIDE.
My drive to “do” and conceptualise new ideas for collaboration was in full swing – I’ve never been short of ideas – though I tried to be mindful of overcommitting. I still didn’t have a clear picture of my end goal—something I didn’t fully realise at the time.
My ambitions were huge, and the obstacles between me and success felt numerous. I couldn’t see the clearest path forward and lacked a solid strategy. That’s when CACN’s mentoring scheme became my lifesaver.
I had responded to the call-out almost on a whim, after spotting a familiar name—Amanda Drago—whose work and expertise I had long admired. My inner critic was quick to jump in…
“You’re 42! How embarrassing! You don’t need a mentor. You’ve been guiding students for years, surely you should have all the answers by now…”
But my logical side knew that was exactly why I needed a mentor—or rather, a professional friend—with whom I could bounce ideas around, quiet the noise, and engage in thoughtful, open-ended questions about what came next. When you’re the one often guiding and mentoring others, it’s crucial to pause, take stock, and reflect on your own journey.
My application was accepted, and Amanda came on board. What a gift!
June 2024: Freedom, growth and global connections…
Amid the duality of self-doubt and self-development, I began to embrace my newfound freedom. I missed my colleagues and the vibrancy of my old job, but I built structure into my days to stay focused. A key part of this was regular online meet-ups with Sebastián Garcia Ferro, a dear friend and colleague from Barcelona International Dance Exchange (BIDE). Sebas is a true force of nature, and I’m constantly in awe of his ability to connect with people from all walks of life, regardless of cultural differences. At the core, people are just people—breaking down the boxes society puts us in.
I welcomed Sebastian to the UK with open arms as we explored hosting a BIDE exchange in Northern England, scoping initial partnerships and venues as we began our next application to the Arts Council.
To Bulgaria and beyond…
June gave me my wings! After hosting Sebastián in Cumbria, it was time to head to the IETM Plenary meeting at Toplocentrala in Sofia, Bulgaria.
International travel always feeds my soul. Growing up with parents in the travel industry, I was raised on capital cities and cultural cuisine. My trip to Sofia was an immersive experience that awakened my senses and reminded me of the beauty in being a small part of something much bigger.
If Sofia isn’t on your radar yet, it should be! What an unexpectedly fascinating city. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
While in Sofia, I participated in a City Sensory Journey, led by Sensory Theatre Sofia and the Institute for Silence Research. This 3.5km walk through the city involved blindfolded navigation, trusting a stranger to guide us. We touched trees, sculptures, and buildings, and breathed in the smells of the city. One stop included leading my partner into the stunning Aleksander Nevski Cathedral, where incense and singing filled the air. It was humbling, invigorating, and liberating—a must-try experience. Who knows, maybe a Dance Ahead and Sensory Theatre Sofia collaboration is on the horizon!
Back to Barcelona…
The year’s midpoint brought me to B>Meeting 2024, Barcelona International Dance Exchange’s annual event. I co-led the event alongside our amazing team, working with dancers, musicians, and artists from around the world. Over five days, we explored themes like chance, kaleidoscopes, and the Mexican coming-of-age celebration La Quinceañera. We were joined by musicians who inspired our work, and one memorable moment was with Sketchbook Wanderlust, who captured our movement in paint.
There’s something visceral about moving together in a large, open space—exploring bodies, minds, and the shared human experience through the universal language of dance.
B>Meeting 2025 applications open February 17th! If you want to join the next creative celebration, don’t miss out!
The Cherry on Top…
As if all of this wasn’t enough, I was blown away when I received an email from Arts Council England… I GOT MY DYCP FUNDING… They agreed to invest in me!
My next blog will dive into my DYCP activity from July to December, filled with more leaps of faith, growth, and stories from the life of a creative.
If you enjoyed this post, please share your thoughts and pass it along to others who might resonate. To stay updated on all things Dance Ahead, you can subscribe [here].
